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Israel as the Battered Woman
Dr. Miriam Adahan
31 August 2001
In years to come, historians will be shocked at how Israeli leaders
happily encouraged a bunch of Arab murderers to create a country that
never existed before within our tiny borders, gave them arms knowing
that those arms would be used to kill and maim its citizens and then
continued to try to appease the murderers. Why are we fulfilling
Hitler´s dream? Why do our leaders ignore Yasser Arafat´s rhetoric
calling for our destruction, ignore the fact that his people are
flooding their cities with arms and ignore the warnings that they are
preparing for all-out war?
Having worked with battered women for most of my life, I see a
similarity between the behavior of the Israeli Left and the mentality
of those women who are so hungry for love that they search
desperately for any signs of it, because the truth is unbearable.
Want to know how the Left thinks? Look at the battered woman:
1. "It takes two to make a fight, so I must deserve this abuse. After
all, I´m not perfect either. I left dishes in the sink, was talking
on the phone when he came home and didn´t have dinner ready on time.
Sometimes, I was a little confused after he beat me up and didn´t
function so well. When he spits at me and bullies me, it´s sometimes
hard to make the elaborate meals he demands."
(Israeli Left: ”As penance for not being perfect, we must allow them
to continue murdering us.")
2. "If he´s so angry, it must mean that I´m to blame. People don´t
angry about nothing. It must be that I haven´t done enough to please
him. If I just try harder, I´m sure I´ll eventually win his love."
(Israeli Left: "We must keep making more concessions. We´re the more
enlightened country, so we have to keep trying harder to get them to
become more democratic, more humane, more civilized.")
3. "No matter how bad he acts at times, I truly believe that he
doesn´t really mean to hurt me and that he really does want a
peaceful home and does really love me underneath it all. He just has
to act like this to prove his masculinity. It doesn´t really mean
anything, because underneath it all, there´s a man of true kindness."
(Israeli Left: "It doesn´t matter how many Israelis are killed, he´s
our partner. The fact that he keeps wanting to talk is proof.”)
4. "I´m proud of myself for being LOYAL and DETERMINED! I stand by my
man through thick and thin. You don´t leave during the bad times.
When you´re willing to forgive after getting beaten up, that´s when
you prove how strong your love is."
(Israeli Left: "We take pride in the fact that we keep negotiating
even when we´re being murdered.")
5. "I don´t have delusions of grandeur. I simply believe in love.
Love is the only power in the world. With the strength of my love, I
CAN turn this frog into a Prince! A woman has the power to do the
impossible! If I love HIM so much, it must be that HE loves me too.
It can´t be that I´m creating something out of nothing. That would be
foolish. I´m not a fool - I just believe in love!"
(Israeli Left: "We´ll make the Arabs love us.... We´ll get their
approval in the end.")
6. "True, some days I just feel like committing suicide, because,
after all, If I didn´t exist, I wouldn´t be abused! I´ll give up my
dreams, my identity, my desires, and shrink myself to nothing. Then
the abuse will stop, because I will no longer be here to take it."
(Israeli Left: "Let´s shrink ourselves down to nothing and then there
won´t be anything left to attack.")
7. "If I can´t please him, it´s MY failure. I have to examine where
I´m failing."
(Israeli Left: "If it´s my fault, then I can maintain the illusion
that I have the ability to fix the problem.")
8. "I´m proud of my ability to take abuse. I´m a SURVIVOR! I´m a
fighter! I´m superior because I´m always ready to forgive and forget.
That puts me at a higher level. If I continue to make concessions for
a peaceful home, even though I´m hurting, it proves that I´m TRYING.
Effort is always rewarded eventually. The more he hurts me, the more
opportunities I have to prove my superiority by forgiving and
forgetting and showing restraint."
(Israeli Left: "Hey world! Look at how much we´re willing to suffer
and not fight back! Now will you love the Jews?")
9. "All my relatives, especially my rich uncle Sam - keeps telling me
that I have to stop the violence. I don´t really know what he means,
because I was cooking him a meal in the kitchen the last time he took
a shot at me. But Uncle Sam tells me it´s my fault and Uncle Sam
helps me pay the bills, so I have to listen and try harder to please.
If I can´t win his love, it´s my fault."
(Israeli Left: "Every country puts all this pressure on us to give
in. We have to listen or we won´t be able to pay the bills.")
10. "I´m a nice person, a peace-maker. I´ll destroy my self-image if
I turn into one of those aggressive types who fights back, argues,
calls the police or makes waves. It makes me feel superior to be the
one who´s so enlightened and civilized."
(Israeli Left: "We´re so good! No Arab country is willing to take in
Arab refugees. Think of what an impression it will make on the world
if only the Jews are willing to act as the saviors of the Arabs. I´m
sure that THEN, we´ll really win the love of all the nations of the
world.")
11. "Everyone says that it´s a sign of true spirituality to be
optimistic. So, I´m having hope. I´m sure I can win his love. I just
have to try harder. My European relatives are constantly urging me to
`Hang in there! Respect him more!’ I really want these relatives to
like me. I can´t bear rejection.“
(Israeli Left: "If we just keep giving in, the anti-Semitism will
stop.")
12. "Look, we´ve been to all these romantic places - Madrid, Sharm el
Sheik, Taba, Camp David, Wye Plantation - and we talked and made love
and you don´t know how truly charming he can be. If there´s a chance
to work things out, I´m willing to do ANYTHING. I have to give in. He
gets SO angry if I refuse. The fact that he wants to talk must mean
that he cares about me on some level, doesn´t it? It must mean that
he really loves me."
(Israeli Left: "Look how much they want to talk! Doesn´t that mean
they really love us?")
13. "I have no choice. He´s my only hope for love. I can´t stand to
be rejected. What he´s giving me is better than no relationship at
all. I can´t bear the thought of being alone.”
(Israeli Left: "We have to keep making concessions or they´ll kill
us. We have no choice. There is no other partner for peace. Better an
illusion of love than facing the reality of his hatred.")
14. "I´m so weak and helpless. I need him to protect me."
(Israeli Left: "I´m sure we can trust the Palestinian authority to
fight terrorism and take care of our holy places in the future. Past
history doesn´t count.")
15. "People keep telling me that the whole problem is that I didn´t
show enough respect in the past. They tell me that if I just respect
him more, THEN he´ll love me. Even if he beats me up, I have to show
restraint and be more respectful. They tell me that that, truly, is
the ultimate key - respect. Then I´ll be LOVED. I can´t wait!"
(Israeli Left: "If Arafat gets enough peace awards, it´ll become a
self-fulfilling prophecy and he´ll change and become the nice guy
we´ve always envisioned he can be.")
16. "I´m tired of fighting. I have no strength left. I just want him
to love me. I´m sure he´ll learn to appreciate all I´ve done for
him.”
(Israeli Left: "No more war. We need to be loved. There isn´t any
other partner for peace.")
17. "I got used to it. Most of the time, it doesn´t really even hurt
all that much."
(Israeli Left: "We can take it. We´re tough. We clean up the blood
and go on. These are the sacrifices I have to make for peace.")
18. "At least he´s showing me attention. That´s better than being
ignored."
(Israeli Left: "The Americans didn´t try to protect the Kurds or the
Tibetans or all the others. They didn´t try to make peace between the
Greeks and the Turks or the Pakistanis and the Indians. Look how much
attention their giving little Israel. This MUST be love! The whole UN
dwells only on Israel!”)
19. "I feel such pity for him. He keeps saying that HE is the abused
one. He looks so pitiful. When he´s shooting at me with his new gun,
he tells me about how much he´s suffered from me and I feel so bad
for him. So, if it makes him feel like more of a man to beat me up,
what´s the big deal? He needs this release. You know how frustrated
men get!"
(Israeli Left: "The Arabs are SO frustrated! This occupation is
depriving them of their manhood. So we have to let them let off steam
and give MORE money, more ARMS - after all, Arabs love their
guns....")
20. "He´s really not evil, just misguided. He had such a difficult
childhood. He doesn´t realize what he´s doing. It´s really not his
fault. He doesn´t know any better. He needs to be convinced,
educated. That´s my job. And if I don´t succeed. It´s MY fault."
(Israeli Left: "Arabs aren´t bad, just frustrated. By example, we´ll
teach them how to be more humane.")
21. "Everyone tells me to forget the past. Start again. They promise
me that he´s turned over a new leaf. I HAVE to give him another
chance. Maybe he´s changed. People keep pointing out the fact that he
did bring me flowers when I was in the hospital after he broke my
nose. And he´s often so helpful to the neighbors. He can´t be ALL
bad. With the right therapist, I´m sure he´ll change.”
(Israeli Left: "No one was killed today. So maybe he really did turn
over a new leaf! Maybe we CAN trust them! Hurray! Things ARE getting
better. I always knew he could do it! See, my faith and love have
been rewarded! We just have to be brave and stick it out and while
longer. We just have to get to the right negotiating team and talk
for long enough and it will work out....)
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Dr. Miriam Adahan, self-defined as "a haredi religious Zionist," is a
noted psychologist, lecturer and author of several popular self-help
books.
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